Bathroom incident with coworker - report to HR?
Hey guys, this is my first time posting here. I’m about halfway through my SA ‘23 banking internship at an upper tier MM (think Guggenheim or Jefferies) from a non target.
I’ve recently been having some issues with an intern who sits next to me. Aside from the fact that he goes to the bathroom at least 5-7 times a day for 10-15 minutes, he won’t stop talking about it on the floor.
He only talks about it in finance terms though, which concerns me, as it could damage the firm’s reputations. He says things like “I just had a liquidity crisis” or “the exit was fully diluted,” which doesn’t even make sense.
I hinted that maybe it’s not appropriate to talk about that kind of thing at work a couple of times, but it’s getting to the point where I’m considering telling HR.
Any advice would be helpful.
Bro Guggenheim is an EB
The real joke is in the comments, I guess
OP is the least obvious Jeffries Employee lmfao
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Those are the kind of colleagues I wish I had. A dude who talks about poop vs. someone chewing you out and backstabbing - take your pick
real
Wouldn't be surprised if op is the backstabbing type
I would've made friends once I heard the mf say "liquidity crisis" in regard to his restroom break
This is benign in the grand scheme of things. Don’t be so quick to shoot people down. They’ll get the opportunity to take a shot at you. Let other people do the dirty work if this guy is being stupid all of the time. The jokes are funny btw, albeit stupid.
Wait till he asks for your digits to DCF your assets
5-7 times a day?
Easy way to do that: Chipotle
They have been providing liquidity to the "Lower Middle Market" since they were founded.
Sounds like you’re not gonna make it through your analyst years my guy. If you can’t take a few boil the ocean poop jokes - then you GET OUT.
Bot
Christ, take a chill pill will you
I vote we all 💩 this thread out of irony
I hate it when juniors (esp interns) think they ARE the firm. The fact that you are "concerned" about disrepute is laughable
Shit happens OP. Sometimes it's solid, sometimes it's liquid, sometimes it's quick, sometimes it comes in waves; but for as long as you live, OP, you will not escape the feces bonanza. When you work in IB, smelling a medley of other people's shit in a 5x5 bathroom stall is STILL the most at peace you'll be all day. Get used to it, wafting it, breathing it, eating it. Soon enough you will be able to recognize the person shitting next to you by the stench. There is 1:1 correlation between seniority and solidity of poops. Analysts eat like shit and spew everything holy about themselves out of their assholes 5 times a day until their hemroids bleed.
If anyone ever wants to talk about shit lmk, I'm in a nichey cap markets group that shits about 5-10x a day so I've gotten to the point where I know my shit. The markets are still being anal retentive and not shitting the way they used to so my boss & I are going to rub some prep H on all our bloomberg terminals and see if we can get these puckered little Portfolio Managers keisters SINGING again like back in '21 or the Roaring 20s (Why you think it's called roaring - they used to eat a lot of spicy food).
Shit, my man here dropping some steamy truth bombs over here.
Damn bro, you are taking shit too far
Not sure if this is a serious thread, but I would strongly recommend against reporting this to HR, especially as an intern. You will be seen as a crybaby and nothing else. The guy has done nothing wrong except for having poor taste in humour. It would be a completely different issue if he was making jokes that were sexual, racial, or offensive in other ways.
Your return offer will mainly be determined by how much people like working with you. No one will want to be around a guy worrying they will be reported to HR every time they tell a joke. Also, I think you need to relax a bit if you think his jokes could damage the firm's reputation.
My best guess is that this will sort itself out. If people find that his jokes are an issue, he will get that as feedback during his reviews. Moreover, he will most likely not get a return offer if people find him annoying to be around.
His jokes could also be a kind of defence mechanism. I had pretty serious prostate issues in the past, which resulted in me having to visit the restroom once every 2 hours or so, often taking 10-20 minutes each time. I was ashamed of it but just acted as if it was nothing and never told anyone. He might suffer from a similar issue and be ashamed of it. The jokes might simply be a defence mechanism to hide the fact that he is ashamed.
OP, it seems that his assets are somewhat distressed considering the consistent liquidity crisis and further dilution.
skip HR, consider an aggresive takeover
Chill out that’s funny as hell
A liquidity crisis is a hell of a line and I’m going to steal it
Where do you work? Gonna report to HR
It makes perfect sense, it means he is well hydrated
Literally LOL'd reading this on Instagram. This sort of humor is a bullpen staple.
This could be legit if all he eats is spicy Mexican, Indian and Thai food, or he could have a crush on some girl that sits near the restroom.
in college we used to go to this Teriyaki place that we called Super Colon Blow. Guaranteed within 45 min your bowels were clean. It tasted so good though that we still went all the time.
Hey OP! Maybe you should ask him what he’s been taking to make him shit so much, since you clearly have a big stick up your ass!
Is he a troll? Such a shitty post makes me suspicious...
Quality shit posting
I am gonna use the "I just had a liquidity crisis" line at work next time.
Interning in a different country here.. Pooping thing is universal, 2 departments ~60ppl share a 3 stall bathroom on our floor, some of those wonderful ladies lock themselves in for ~30mins before another goes for another 30, lines are huge, nobody says a word
Just ignore him and forget about it. In the future if he makes the bathroom joke in front of client then he'll lose his career and you'll lose a competitor. Good for you
hahahahahahah
I will advise you report the incident or your experience to the management, you never know what the fellow is going through or how it can have effect on the whole company. See something, say something!
Those are rookie numbers
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