Computer Science is Paradise
You did it. After 10000 hours of memorizing SAT math questions, you got into an extremely prestigious school that your racist extended family has no idea exists. You decide to major in computer science because let’s face it, you’re a nerd. Even though you’ve made some questionable decisions (like trying to ask out that cute senior in your Calc 2 class) you made the right choice.
After 4 years of getting 0 play and watching Brad chug natty lite from the 9th-floor window of your comp sci building, grinding through leetcode bullshit, and 2 FAANG internships, you’ve got recruiters headhunting you like you’re a blonde sitting alone at a dive bar. Some San Fransico startup focused on turning moldy bread into IPAs offers you 200k, but someplace called Shitadel says they’ll pay you 350k all in to push buttons (as long as you can sleep with the empty feeling of contributing nothing to society). You ask MoldIPA if they can up the ante a little, and they say they'll give you 250k and 2 million in stock vesting over 4 years. You sign.
It’s easy. After a few years of writing javascript for 3 hours and playing video games for the rest of the day, MoldPA goes public and your shares are now worth a cool 10M. You cash out, and decide to build your own startup focused on selling the data of old people who try to use dating websites.
You want more money, so you go to the VC firm next door from your SF penthouse, and you prepare to give them your pitch. You clear your breath -- “Hello! I’m a CS grad from Stanf--” One of the principals interrupts you like you’re a shitty district attorney and they’re the judge in the Kyle Rittenhouse case.
“How much do you want?”
You say 50M cause it's a nice even number.
You decide to walk into HBS to network more for your brand new company. It’s filled with people like Brad who used to do something called investment banking. They brag about their pay -- you do the mental math (that interview grind prepared you well) and gasp as you realize these poor fuckers were making 20 bucks an hour. That’s like, half the minimum wage in the Bay Area.
You work on your company, and after a few weeks, you get bought out by some of the Brads and Chads you knew from HBS. They do something called Private Equity now. They tell you it’s so much better than what they used to do, and how it's the new banking, but like, prestigious. You smile and nod as their boss hands you a check for 4 times what you got to start the company.
Life is good.
Incredible. Well-done
10/10
You forgot the part about donating money to left-wing causes and preaching about smashing capitalism while making bank selling old people's private information.
Hey, don't be so reductive and salty. They also sell young people's private information.
This is one of the best things I've read in a while, bravo lol
So good and quite accurate.
I mean if that’s all it takes I’d love to do this.
You hacked my brain
It really do be like that.
LMAO
I came.
This is too hilarious. I am being told by the Directors in programming/data to pursue something like this. Interesting take.
The bodies of computer science majors is confusing. I stare at them and can't tell whether they're fat or skinny.
Truer words have never been spoken
Great post man, seriously.
You forgot the part about getting no sleep and getting compiler errors.
I still don’t understand why people work random Silicon Valley jobs for 4-7 months.
I thought consulting was a bit odd with the 2 years in and out.
You get a pay bump every time you jump and it’s a widely accepted thing to do so why not. Albeit 4-7 months is not exactly common unless the job sucks. Usually 1-2 years between moves
Says the "Intern in Consulting"
This was good, can’t even hate on the SWE bros
Reality.
???????? banking is full of risk averse nerds and tame giraffes coming over from MBA programs
dont stereotype bro
You forgot the part where Chad gets 5% of the profit when he flips your little shitter company for a 100 bagger 2 years later after some numbers massaging.
Repeat this 20 times a year with 20 companies and you'll see why Chad is more prestigious than you
I always feed my dog 5% of my steak when he wiggles his tale! Good boy Chad.
Tale of massaging numbers though
But in this case you spent billions to buy the steak while all your dog had to do was wag his tail.
As long has the dog knows what he's worth!
*as
Now write an absolute 1-in-10million best case scenario for Finance
I realize this is partly a troll, but why do people still think bankers make $20/hour? Assuming a 70 hour week at 170k all in it’s almost ~47/hour. An MD will make 500-600/hour
take out a calculator and do some simple division..idiot
edit: whoever threw MS quit before their bonus hit or works at a no-name sweat shop
70 hours is super low and there’s also opportunity costs of not getting paid for overtime. So 170K all in @90 hours is ~37 per hour, but if this was a sane persons job that paid overtime you would be averaging ~48 per hour and making roughly 60% more.
70 is standard for non-tech coverage. I take your point though
I work at FAANG after an internsip in BB but am still working 60 hours a day:(
But it's still a great write-up
which faang?
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